Jokepocalypse [From Twitter, March 26, 2011]

Jokepocalypse

When comedy has been completely explored, it will become the domain of academics, comedemicians, joke generators for sale at Wal-Mart, etc. Modern countries will have personalized joke generators. Future communist countries will have THE BIGGEST JOKES IN THE WORLD!

You will wake up to a 200 decibel sound emanating from Siberia. Why, it's a joke. And your ears are bleeding. You will stagger to the closet and unlock the box holding your joke pistol and aim it wildly at the sky. A deadly stream of dick jokes will pour out. A little girl will run into the street, her screams drowned-out by the brutal sound of satire. The communist jokes are depressing: the pathos of Bill Hicks and the stupidity of Dane Cook. You will jump out the window, laughing.

Automated joke cannons for mutually assured comedy (MAC) keep firing, long after humanity has laughed to death, like Roger Rabbit Weasels. Millions of years later, an alien civilization discovers the remains of humanity and brings the Soviet joke generator home. Reproductive organ jokes cross the galaxy wiping out all the sentient life it encounters. As the universe reaches heat-death, all background electromagnetic radiation turns out to be encrypted comedy. One big joke.



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Exclusive Toylit Interview With @RadioactiveHair: The Man Who Infiltrated North Korea

Exclusive Toylit Interview With @RadioactiveHair: The Man Who Infiltrated North Korea

It was an amazing time to be alive: North Korea entered the international community by creating an account on Twitter called @Uriminzok (http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/rorycellanjones/2010/08/north_koreas_propaganda_playgr.html). A /b/tard declared it the end of history. Public radio in the US was abuzz with the possibility that Kim Jong-Il would lay down his arms if he got enough followers. Sadly, optimism tends to trend to pessimism and Portly Asian Elvis stood in the corner, sullenly brandishing nukes and cognac. Pyongyangologists were excited to see NK break this trend when it increased the number of accounts it followed to 13 (auspicious number indeed!) (http://www.reviewmylife.co.uk/blog/2010/10/07/north-korea-13-twitter-friends/). Was this a sign that North Korea was ready to break out of its shell? Perhaps! @Uriminzok didn't seem to think names were very important when it started following @RadioactiveHair nor did it seem uncomfortable with @RadioactiveHair's rapist history either... at least at first.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/you-gonna-get-raped

All good things must come to an end and after a ruthless Twitter purge, as of March 16, 2011, @Uriminzok follows just 2 people on Twitter: @Pyongyang_DPRK and @JimmyDushku.

I caught up with @RadioactiveHair on Twitter and asked how he felt about his historic role as The Man Who Infiltrated North Korea.

How did you find out about North Korea's Twitter account?

"I wasn't quite sure when I found out about Best Korea's twitter account, but after searching a chat log I can pinpoint an exact date and time. 13:29 Aug 18 2010. "

How did you get North Korea's Twitter account to follow you?

"They followed me on September 16th 2010 after I praised the Dear Leader and Best Korea. September 16th was also 5 days after Collapsing Yankee was supposed to be carried out. This was delayed."

Can you make any sense of the regime based-off its Twitter behavior?

"As I do not speak Korean, I am unable to make any sense of Best Korea's twitter behavior. However, I can understand their propaganda pictures against USA and the other Korea as they did what they could to rape Best Korea in the 50's. Being threatened with nuclear weapons is never pleasant."

Who do you think was really reading your tweets in North Korea?

"I don't know who in Best Korea read my tweets, maybe some of the 10.000 with cellphones they have acquired illegally? For the sake of epicness, I hope it was Kim Jong Il himself. He did say in 2007 that he is an internet expert, so the possibility is there."

When did North Korea stop following you on Twitter?

"You enlightened me about Best Korea unfollowing me on March 8, while it may not be the correct date let's just say it is. When I do find out the date, it shall become a national day of mourning."

Do you think anyone was executed or sent to a labor camp for their role in following you?

"Of course they executed someone for following me, Best Korea doesn't have the time to feed everyone."

When dealing with such a volatile regime, do you worry that trolling them might incite a real war? Or is this what you're hoping for?

"Best Korea is always threatening the south with attacks, so of course I will help bring that forward. Even if it could escalate to a World War if China was to become involved like the last time. If they are smart, they'll make their move now as the crisis in Japan is still ongoing."

Would you like to visit North Korea even though it's probably too late to safely do so now?

"During the period that Best Korea did follow me, Kim built me a mansion outside of Pyongyang, which I visited. At the moment though I will not go back."

You've managed to do what professional espionage agencies as of yet have been unable to do: infiltrate North Korea. Any tips for spymasters reading this?

"Just pay some corrupt folks in China and you'll get instant access to Best Korea. Who to pay I shall not reveal further, nor the sum."

Do you think Kim Jong-Il knew he was gonna get raped? Did that have anything to do with him unfollowing you?

"I hope Kim knew he was gonna get raped, and if he did I sure hope he likes rape."

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Devolved Phoenix [Today's News Poem, February 11, 2011]

Devolved Phoenix [Today's News Poem, February 11, 2011]

By match or lighter, someone burned alive
To death in a street: one of the many lives
Squirming for rescue, for the end of nerves.

The ears that lean upon the walls have heard,
They've typed up a eulogy, phoneward bound:
Littlest birds that have delivered sound.

Baskets are flowing and the honey blooms
From jar to the tummy. The birdie croons
And twitters nightly, under office moon.

Rumor transforms what was once flame to spark,
And spark to an image; the whispered dark
Above the keyboard, screenshot bird: a lark.

Bird of pain, bird, my brain,
Phoenix lord—Lord, I'm bored—
Embers flick, trick and fade;
Monitors: glitter blades.

"President Hosni Mubarak told the Egyptian people on Thursday that he would delegate authority to Vice President Omar Suleiman but that he would not resign, enraging hundreds of thousands gathered to hail his departure and setting in motion a volatile new stage in the three-week uprising. "
—ANTHONY SHADID and DAVID D. KIRKPATRICK, The New York Times, Published: February 11, 2011
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/12/world/middleeast/12egypt.html

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Peeps: #dontbeshocked When It's Desperate [Twitter Found Poem April 19, 2010]

Peeps: #dontbeshocked When It's Desperate [Twitter Found Poem April 19, 2010]

@1Princess@_Jaz @AkiyamaMio @roprice @alyssakeiko @Lauren91_x @ToniC813 @NatahliaGA @RazorRaySVP @rachfogez @Kee31 @astronomical11 @WACKYxNiCOLE @Ajwi666 @NatsKing @Kiteaton @notapuppet @hugsandkisseslu


my brain got sore,
i spent 2 hours on my brain
#dontbeshocked if I haul off
and read your ass like a @ladygaga
newspaper, or worse.

If you're outta pocket, #dontbeshocked
Gun plus gun equals one full stomach
bang bang bang!
when I do something crazy just join in :)

yes, life has a way of bringing true colors out of peeps
good people are usually the ones who get fucked over
but If u keep looking in the same trash can
#dontbeshocked if u keep finding the same trash

my brain got sore
my brain got desperate
Omg I'm starving!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@ladygaga
she's a pistol, pointed at me,
my brain, hurts my brain
Is it that fun when its desperate?

crack babies a crack granny
on twitter. my brain got sore
facebook television and twitter:
these laser pointers
hurts my brain

Is it that fun when its desperate ?
how bout walking in the rain?




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