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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Rat-A-Tat Tah-Tahs [Today's News Poem, March 26, 2011]

Rat-A-Tat Tah-Tahs [Today's News Poem, March 26, 2011]

The sexy empowered with fuck imagination
Powered the office, and powered the celibate marriages.
The daughter of catsuits and hooker boots boxed after college,
Discovered her mother's vagina; her daddy's revolver.
Her Lexus swerves, ricochets off of the panels of cars, off lanes.
And if credit cards bounce, then just launch off a penis
A pogo; then dress in a suit. Go sell houses, insurance;
Your body's a weapon to copy by internet; to copy and
Touch with our eyes. While we handle our organs
You handle a pistol and load it and fire—it's cute so it's safe—
It is pink, therefore gentle. Oh you siren, you call us by testes,
We call back by phone then we enter your lair where you crash us on bullets.
You'll get on a show, you'll be famous and author some books
And appear at the rallies, the NRA rallies, to vanquish the losers of Onan
You fine fucking thing, with your tatas, dentatas,
A rat-a-tat-tah-tah; don't give me sons, give me daughters!

"Meghan Brown, a former Florida pageant queen, shot and killed 42-year-old Albert Franklin Hill during a home invasion March 12 at the 2,732-square-foot house she shares with her fiance in Tierra Verde, Fla."
—Cristina Corbin,, Published March 22, 2011

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CombatWords Hype for the Week: Hooray for Dystopia

CombatWords Hype for the Week: Hooray for Dystopia

Welcome to cyberpunk. May I take your order? Play, critique, or read the game here:

Tell your friends and especially tell your enemies. Hook a lit-goon up w/ Stumbleupon, Facebook, or whatever you post-print kids are doing these days.

Jeff Chon, March 26, 2011 12:10 AM PST:

"this black man is president and ugh he’s trying to take away all my rights he wants to take away my guns he wants to take away my religion oh won’t someone save me from this black man and the horrible nightmarish world he is creating the world is such a rotten place to live in now because in the old days I might have been poor I might have been dumb Hell I might have even been a bad person but at least I was white"

KW March 26, 2011 1:07 AM PST:

"Should you call it a baby tooth tucked in a pillow
Or call it a molar that crumbled with grinding?
Maybe it's better to say it's a fang
With venomous sacs, else a poison saliva? "

Anton Gourman, March 26, 2011 1:18 PM PST:

"Then the police arrived with Their Shields.
Their shields were windows and the men
looked out. Their eyes were square, and
who knows what the law thinks? "

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Jokepocalypse [From Twitter, March 26, 2011]


When comedy has been completely explored, it will become the domain of academics, comedemicians, joke generators for sale at Wal-Mart, etc. Modern countries will have personalized joke generators. Future communist countries will have THE BIGGEST JOKES IN THE WORLD!

You will wake up to a 200 decibel sound emanating from Siberia. Why, it's a joke. And your ears are bleeding. You will stagger to the closet and unlock the box holding your joke pistol and aim it wildly at the sky. A deadly stream of dick jokes will pour out. A little girl will run into the street, her screams drowned-out by the brutal sound of satire. The communist jokes are depressing: the pathos of Bill Hicks and the stupidity of Dane Cook. You will jump out the window, laughing.

Automated joke cannons for mutually assured comedy (MAC) keep firing, long after humanity has laughed to death, like Roger Rabbit Weasels. Millions of years later, an alien civilization discovers the remains of humanity and brings the Soviet joke generator home. Reproductive organ jokes cross the galaxy wiping out all the sentient life it encounters. As the universe reaches heat-death, all background electromagnetic radiation turns out to be encrypted comedy. One big joke.

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