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Thursday, May 13, 2010

Supercrook Flies Up Up And Away [Today's News Poem, May 13, 2010]

Supercrook Flies Up Up And Away [Today's News Poem, May 13, 2010]

Tuning to news and catching the clip:
Cops in pursuit of robbers—or twits.
Packing the drive in briefcase, I watch
Shots on the freeway-fantasy-trip;
Calling my banker: “wire me my split.”
Burning my files, I finish my scotch.
Clients are screaming curses—I think.
Disconnect phones, I watch as they clink
Cuffs on the rookie driving to jail.
Flight's in two hours. Up is my bail.

“Authorities say they've captured a bank robbery suspect in Long Beach following a freeway chase and a shooting but the four-hour hunt continues for possible accomplices. He was captured Thursday afternoon when tear gas flushed him from a hiding place under Interstate 405. The gas sparked a brushfire on a freeway median that was quickly contained.”
– The Associated Press, 05/13/2010 03:10:59 PM PDT

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FOR SALE [Toylit Classifieds, May 13, 2010, by Rytis]

By Rytis

1993 Nissan Pathfinder SE - $1500
(New York City - Times Square Area)

V6, automatic, 3rd owner 178,625 miles (I only did 40), engine runs strong, doesn't burn or use oil, good 4wd and drivetrain, solonoid sticks sometimes - a few clicks, then it starts. there's either a crack in vacuum line on the intake manifold, or the fuel pump is on the way out, because you have to keep a little pressure on the gas pedal after it warms up - or it'll stall. good heat. pistons that hold up rear hatch needs to be replaced. some body rust, mainly in front and back of rear wheelwell. a little recent smoke damage, but it'll air out. this truck never let me down. all she needs is a little tlc. thanks for looking.

good 31" yokahama tires
rebuilt tranny
custom dual exhaust
power windows
power locks
seat warmers
remote start (doesn't work dammit)
sony 10 disc shuffle
front bangbar
WMD mudflaps

oh, there's some stuff in the back seat: a box of fertilizer (planting a garden?), some unused fireworks (great for the kids for 4th of july). also a couple of propane tanks for a barbecue, and even some full gas cans for that extra long road trip if you want to hit the road. I am. I'm leaving the country and must sell immediately, my flight for Dubai leaves yesterday if you know what i mean.

Tried to donate it Viacom for their next Comedy Central South Park episode, but they said no thanks. Those guys are really culturally insensitive with their depictions of Mohammed, praised be his name. If you share my mid eastern values I can give you some great ideas of what you can do with this truck. if not, she still purrs like a kitten and will get you to the mosque on Fridays.

- Location: Times Square
- It's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests unless you're selling a detonator that really works


Read more Rytis here:

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SWAT the Revolutionary Dolphin Turtle [Twitter Found Poem, May 13, 2010]

SWAT the Revolutionary Dolphin Turtle [Twitter Found Poem, May 13, 2010]
Tweets+Edits= #twitterfoundpoem

Solution for oil spill and leak. Set it ON FIRE.
an eternally burning oil fire.
use the swat team: Outnumbered but never outgunned.
they are adorable even though
they are barely picking up everyones trash...

the swat team turned from the fire
cus there's a bank robber in the bushes.
Like 20 SWAT members have automatic weapons
pointed on one Dolphin turtle bank robber.

You can jail a Revolutionary Dolphin turtle
but you can't jail the Revolution.
black guy deaths are Nothing.
Revolutionary Dolphin turtle deaths
are less than Nothing.
You can gun down a Revolutionary Dolphin turtle
in Richmond near the oil refinery buyin some CRACK.
You can Set it ON FIRE
because a Revolutionary Dolphin turtle
Has no friends
no black panthers to keep fighting for them.
SWAT doesn't hate Revolutionary Dolphin turtle
as people. they hate them as reptiles.

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Choke on the Bit [Guest News Poem, May 13, 2010, By Rutherford Toady]

Choke on the Bit
By Rutherford Toady

Welcome to the triple-X ranch, where we work hard to break the faux-virginal sissypants pop smears, who in reality are far from pure and in fact have been repeatedly molested by impotent politicians wearing giant strap-ons molded in the shape of their favorite popes. After being buggered by a Pius XXX phallus for years, young stallions such as Justin Bieber can’t help but hurl up wall after wall of protective stony smiles, the ivory fences of their pearly whites being the only part of them not yet scrimshawed with the graffiti tags of corporate logos. The fillies fare even worse; take Miley Cyrus, her tween twat long since marked with the mark of the bestialist, her bust wet from the slobberings of every linebacker faggot who could unclog the blow from his nostrils long enough to get his pecker hard enough to pork her prepubescent pussy. Eventually the scorch-marks from the branding irons scab over and these girls stop shitting bits of cellphone into the bloody basin every morning, stop vomiting up the gobs of spermy vodka that get caught in the backs of their throats like an extra uvula. Yes, eventually our little Britneys and Lilos grow up and become the glassy-eyes nags they were always destined to be, singing with sandpaper rasps and shaving their snatches like they were still thirteen. We put them out to pasture then, but only after riding them into the dirt, those skeletal cumbags whose bloated udders will soon scrape the ground like swollen condoms. We scratch our names in their hides with our spurs, laugh when they get their hooves caught in their own stirrups. We ride them fast and ride hard, and keep plying them with visions of apples and sugarcubes, and when they complain that we don’t deliver the goods, we remind them that this poor falling-apart old world could always use a little more glue. Now, giddy the fuck up!


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